Electronic Magazine

Something Went Wrong In Jet Crash, Expert Says Police Begin Campaign To Run Down Jaywalkers Safety Experts Say School Bus Passengers Should Be Belted Drunk Gets Nine Months In Violin Case Survivor Of Siamese Twins Joins Parents Farmer Bill Dies In House Iraqi Head Seeks Arms

Members of the legendary rock band Queen have announced their first studio album in 13 years  of silence. Drummer Paul Rogers will perform the vocals on the new release, The Cosmos Rocks, the first album since 1995, the last Mercury's recorded material. There will be also ...

Q. What is your brother-in-law's name? A. Borofkin. Q. What's his first name? A. I can't remember. Q. He's been your brother-in-law for years, and you can't remember his first name? A. No. I tell you I'm too excited. (Rising from the witness chair and pointing to Mr. Borofkin.) Nathan, for God's sake, tell them your first name!

Forrest Gump died and went to Heaven. Saint Peter met him at the Pearly Gates and said, "Well, Forrest, it's certainly good to see you. We have heard a lot about you. I must inform you, though, that Heaven is filling up fast and, lately, we've been administering an entrance examination for everyone. The test is fairly short, but you must pass it before you can enter the gates of Heaven." "It shore is good to be here Saint Peter," responded Forrest. "Ah've been looking forward to this. But nobuddy ever told me about no entrance exams. Ah shore hope the test ain't too hard; lahf itself was a big enough test even though it was lahk a box of chawkalits." Saint Peter continued: "Yes, I know, Forrest. But, the test I have for you is only three questions. What days of the week begin with the letter T, how many seconds are there in a year, and what is God's first name?"

A priest and a nun are on their way home from a convention by car. Suddenly, the car dies. The priest says to the nun "Well Sister, I'm afraid we are going to have to go to a hotel for the night." The nun just smiles, and says " OK, Father." They arrive at the hotel to find that there is only one room available. The priest says 'Well Sister, I'm afraid we are going to have to share a room. I'm sure that under the circumstances, God won't mind. You sleep in the bed and I'll sleep on the couch." The nun just smiles and says " OK, Father." They check into the room and prepare for bed, the priest on the couch, and the nun in the bed. The priest turns out the lights and goes to sleep. Ten minutes later the nun says "Father, I'm cold." The priest says "OK Sister, I'll get you an extra blanket." He gets her a blanket and goes back to sleep. Ten minutes later, the nun says "Father, I'm STILL cold." So the priest gets up, gets her another blanket, and goes back to sleep again.

NEW VIRUS ALERT!! Immediately scan your computer for the following viruses. PAT BUCHANAN VIRUS: Your system works fine, but complains loudly about foreign software. COLIN POWELL VIRUS: Makes it's presence known but doesn't do anything. Secretly, you wish it would. HILLARY CLINTON VIRUS: Files disappear, only to reappear mysteriously a year later; in another directory. O.J. SIMPSON VIRUS: You know it's guilty of trashing your system, but you just can't prove it. BOB DOLE VIRUS: Could be virulent, but it's been around too long to be much of a threat. STEVE FORBES VIRUS: All files reported as the same size.

486 - The average IQ needed to understand a PC. State-of-the-art - Any computer you can't afford. Obsolete - Any computer you own. Microsecond - The time it takes for your state-of-the-art computer to become  obsolete. G3 - Apple's new Macs that make you say "Gee, three times faster than the  computer I bought for the same price a Microsecond ago." Syntax Error - Walking into a computer store and saying "Hi, I want to buy a  computer and money is no object." Hard Drive - The sales technique employed by computer salesmen, especially after a  Syntax Error.

10.03 Canterbury’s Law (FOX) - 4.9 PR (7.62 mil) Medium (NBC) - 6.3 PR (9.22 mil) New Amsterdam (FOX) - 5.5 PR (8.78 mil) October Road (ABC) - 3.4 PR (4.70 mil) - 2 ep,

01 Horton Hears a Who! (2008)       $45.1M 02 10,000 B.C. (2008)     $16.4M 03 Never Back Down (2008)     $8.61M 04 College Road Trip (2008)     $7.89M 05 Vantage Point (2008)     $5.4M 06 The Bank Job (2008)     $4.91M 07 Doomsday (2008)     $4.74M 08 Semi-Pro (2008)     $2.98M 09 The Other Boleyn Girl (2008)     ...