Electronic Magazine

#What makes a happy man? A: Daughter is on the cover of Vogue, son on the cover of Sports Illustrated, mistress on the cover of Playboy and

wife on the cover of Missing persons

#Teacher:  Tell me a sentence that starts with an “I”.
Student: I is the….
Teacher: Stop! Never put ‘is’ after an “I”. Always put ‘am’ after an “I”.
Student: OK. I am the ninth letter of the alphabet.

#Patient:  Doctor, I have a pain in my eye whenever I drink tea.
Doctor: Take the spoon out of the mug before you drink.

#1:  Do you want to hear a dirty joke?
2: Ok
1: A white horse fell in the mud.

#On a crowded bus, one man noticed that another man had his eyes closed.
“What’s the matter? Are you sick?” he asked.
“No, I’m okay. It’s just that I hate to see old ladies standing.”

# What do you call a sheep with no legs?
A cloud.

# Doctor! I have a serious problem, I can never remember what i just said.
When did you first notice this problem?
What problem?

#You so short you have to look up to look down.

#Teacher:  Did you father help your with your homework?
Student: No, he did it all by himself.

# How do you make a blonde’s eyes sparkle?
Shine a torch into her ear…

# Do you know how to save a drowning lawyer?
Take your foot off his head.

#Girl:  You would be a good dancer except for two things.
Boy: What are the two things?
Girl: Your feet.

#A family of mice were surprised by a big cat. Father Mouse jumped and said, “Bow-wow!” The cat ran away. “What was that, Father?” asked

Baby Mouse. “Well, son, that’s why it’s important to learn a second language.”

# How can you tell if a redneck is married?
There is tobacco spit stains on BOTH sides of his pickup truck.

# What is defference between man and Superman?
Man wears underwear under the trouser and superman wears it over the trouser.

#Two cows are standing in a field.
One says to the other “Are you worried about Mad Cow Disease?”
The other one says “No, It doesn’t worry me, I’m a horse!”

#Two goldfish in a bowl talking:
Goldfish 1: Do you believe in God?
Goldfish 2: Of course, I do! Who do you think changes the water?

#Mother: “Did you enjoy your first day at school?”
Girl: “First day? Do you mean I have to go back tomorrow?

#My friend said he knew a man with a wooden leg named Smith.
So I asked him “What was the name of his other leg?”

#A person who speaks two languages is bilingual…A person who speaks three languages is trilingual…A person who speaks four or more

languages is multilingual.
What is a person who speaks one language?