#If tin whistles are made of tin, what are fog horns made of?

#Q: What do you do when your wife’s staggering?
A: Shoot her again.

#PUPIL:  “Would you punish me for something I didn’t do?”
TEACHER:” Of course not.”
PUPIL: “Good, because I haven’t done my homework.”

#Why do we park our car in the driveway and drive our car on the parkway?

#Q: What is the difference between and Virgin and a washing machine?
A: The washing machine doesn’t follow you around for two weeks after you dump a load in it!

#A: Why are you crying?
B: The elephant is dead.
A: Was he your pet?
B: No, but I’m the one who must dig his grave.

#”Excuse me. Do you know the way to the zoo?”
“No, I’m sorry I don’t.”
“Well, it’s two blocks this way, then one block to the left.”

#”Do you know what really amazes me about you?”

#Q: What does a dwarf get if he runs through a womans legs?
A: A clit round the ear and a flap across the face

#How do you know if your a redneck?
You go to the family reunon to find a date!

#A teenage girl had been talking on the phone for about half an hour, and then she hung up.
“Wow!,” said her father, “That was short. You usually talk for two hours. What happened?”
“Wrong number,” replied the girl.
“No. What?”
“Oops. Sorry. I was thinking about someone else!”

#Father:  What did you do today to help your mother?
Son: I dried the dishes
Daughter: And I helped pick up the pieces.

#Bank Teller:  How do you like the money?
English Student: I like it very much.

#My boss is so unpopular even his own shadow refuses to follow him.

#The teacher to a student:  Conjugate the verb “to walk” in simple present.
The student: I walk. You walk ….
The teacher interrupts him: Quicker please.
The student: I run. You run …

#Teacher:  Why are you late?
Student: There was a man who lost a hundred dollar bill.
Teacher: That’s nice. Were you helping him look for it?
Student: No. I was standing on it.

#You can use this joke to explain that insulting someone is considered funny especially when that person is fishing for a compliment.
Mary: John says I’m pretty. Andy says I’m ugly. What do you think, Peter?
Peter: I think you’re pretty ugly.

#Three mice are being chased by a cat. The mice were cornered when one of the mice turned around and barked, “Ruff! Ruff! Ruff!” The
surprised cat ran away scared. Later when the mice told their mother what happened, she smiled and said,”You see, it pays to be
bilingual!”

#Did you hear about the skeleton who walked into a cafe?
He ordered a cup of coffee and a mop.

#Customer: Waiter, waiter! There is a frog in my soup!!!
Waiter: Sorry, sir. The fly is on vacation.